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In this episode of the Kinky Nerdy Poly (KNP) podcast, G and M explore the fascinating dynamics of comet relationships in polyamory. They offer a broad definition of what a comet partner is while recognizing that if you ask five polyamorous people what a comet is, you’ll get ten different answers. Through personal experiences and insights, the KNP co-hosts discuss how these sporadic yet intense connections work. Highlights include an amusing description of having “a lot of comets in the sky” and the metaphor of planets watching comets pass by. Listeners will enjoy the blend of humor and heartfelt discussion as G and M navigate the complexities and joys of comet relationships.
Quote from the episode and source:
- “A person that passes through your life repeatedly who is intense and awesome, and when gone you are still in contact with that person in some way, but they are not a continuous partner.” – Love Uncommon (https://loveuncommon.com/2019/06/13/comet/)
Email: kinky.nerdy.poly@gmail.com
Tumblr: http://www.knppodcast.tumblr.com
The music in this episode is the Secret of Tiki Island by Kevin MacLeod and is licensed under Creative Commons 3.0. You can find more of Kevin MacLeod’s music at his website.
Transcript:
[00:00:00]
Welcome to the podcast
audience folks. All right. Well, this is a different intro. That’s a different one. That’s a different one. In this episode of the KNP podcast, we will be talking about comet, relationships in polyamory.
Yes. That was, I liked that, that dip into that accent right at the end there.
we didn’t do cause we didn’t mess up the interest. We should probably should go in and say now, I’m G and I am. Okay. Okay. Just so that way we have it. Yeah. We have it, even [00:01:00] though they’ve already listened so far to a minute of us doing this. So yeah. There’s so much fluff, but yeah. We will persevere. Hey, I’m G and IMM. I don’t know why with, Hey there, but. I think because every other episode I’ve done how low I’m G. Well, it’s going to change things up, right? So we had a nice little spicy intro for our audience folks today. And now we’ll be talking about the meat of the episode. , G, you know, you were the one who brought this topic up, so why don’t you, kind of tell us what your vision was for this episode? So my vision was twofold. ah, threefold. So one was, To talk about comets in general. It is a. Yeah.
It’s I don’t think it’s. Yeah. I think even in the polyamory security, it’s not as super common.people know about it, but , I don’t think it’s a super common. Relationship type that people aim for.
So, yeah, I think it’s good just to talk about it. cause when I Googled it, basically everything I [00:02:00] encountered was just , Hey, here’s the definition of a comet and it just kind of. Dropped off right after that.there wasn’t a whole lot of discussion about , what does that look like?
What does it mean to people? So on and so forth?secondly,part of the sun I want to talk about it is, I have recently entered into two.To comet like relationships. And when my, and my relationship with T has transformed into a comet relationship. So I know I have three comet relationships.
That’s a lot of comets like, like that’s a pretty crowded sky up there. I draw a lot of. The ground hugger. Yeah. You’re a planet on my soul. The planet in the solar system. I’m not on the planet, I’m not on the ground. Cause. My sun. Cause I’m the center of the solar system. You’re the sun.
Yeah. Oh, okay. I don’t know why I was thinking about this from an earth perspective. No. I’m the sun. Okay. You’re the sun. I’m a planet. And then there’s some comets. Yes. I don’t know if I’m buying this [00:03:00] metaphor, but I’m trying to, okay. All right. And the third sun I want to do this podcast is I forget who, but one of your friends liked how gossipy, whatever episodes was.
That’s right. This is going to be a very gossipy episode. If you’re, I’m not going to say your name, but if you’re listening to this, which I know you will eventually, you will enjoy the gossip, Venus that follows. excellent. Excellent. Well, how do we even define a comet relationship G. That’s a great question. Because I think when we first started talking about this topic, Between you, me and X. We came up with three similar, but different definitions for the word comet. That’s what I remember.
Yeah.
So I think it’d be good if I tried to do as this is my attempt at a most broad. Strokes. Definition as possible. Okay.
so.
a [00:04:00] comet partner, a comet is a partner. Who comes into your life for short periods of time, but due to either time or distance, they cannot remain in your life for long periods of time.
Okay. I think that is broad strokes, as broad as I can make it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I feel bad. A, another definition that I found on a, A blog called, which we will post in the show notes. I call it love on common. Had a definition, which I think they took for a Reddit post if I remember correctly, but I like the definition. A person that passes through your life repeatedly, who is intense and awesome.
And when gone, you are still in contact with that person in some way, but they are not a continuous partner.
and do you want to read the, I wanna, yeah. No. Go ahead. No. Do you want to read the Oxford English dictionary definition of comet for our listeners in case they don’t know what a comet is? Well, I wanted to bring this back to [00:05:00] science. Okay. One to bring this back to you. Cause mine was a little, I was fascinated with space.
I want to be an astronaut. Okay. Okay. I had tons of books on planets and, and various less steel bodies and I, and black holes and all of that. And I still, , I still love looking at the NASA pages and all the cool pictures that they’re getting these days anyways. So, not to geek out too much, although this is the kinky nerdy poly podcast.
So there’s another nerdy part. Is there. a comet by definition. Is a celestial object, typically following a greatly elongated elliptical orbit around the sun. And appearing when in the inner solar system as a slow moving starlike head, surrounded by a diffuse luminous envelope or coma. And with one or more long tails directed away from the sun. So I wanted to bring it back to the science. Yes. Because.
I think that the way that we can understand comet related here, it has an actual, linguistic and community-based. Like understanding. [00:06:00] Yes. But when I think about comets that can maybe help us to inform what’s happening. So it’s something that , at least from our perspective on earth, when there’s a comet. We don’t, it doesn’t stay there.
Doesn’t sit there forever. No. It is by definition, temporary. Yup. And, temporary yet permanent because you know, it’s going to come back.
Temporary yet permanent. I think that captures it. Temporary yet? Permanent. Yeah. so that’s, that’s just my little,Slain seek out there, but. going back to your experiences, because you had mentioned , one of the suns you wanted to do this podcast is to, you know, talk about your current new relationships that are all . Exciting.
Yeah. it’s been a lot and unfortunately, I Googled this at one point, I couldn’t really find the article later. So if, if it pops up later, if we haven’t been able to find later, I’ll put the link in the show notes. But I saw somebody had a discussion of [00:07:00] polyamory comets where they basically talked about how comets are basically a form of war. I have a way of continuously getting NRI. , you know, a comet.
How does your life you get that new relationship energy? I think it was described as like an NRI hack.
I’m not entirely certain how I feel about that phrasing, but I thought it was an interesting perspective. But yeah, so, one of my long, my longest time partner at T has moved to a different part of the country. I have recently.I have recently gotten into two new relationships, both of which are. One, I’m not entirely certain if it counts as a comet, but there is some distance. Involved. And, no.
So. Sorry. one thing I wanted to just clarify in my, I just realized this, In my, in my broad strokes definition. the sun why I said. They could not spare the inability to spend time with someone can also create a big [00:08:00] distance. so for example, if I worked nights and the partner work days, it makes it very hard to maintain a relationship and it could be like, oh, , We have one weekend.
We’re both off. Every month. So that’s the time we have together. So, yes, I have. I have. My longest time relationship has moved into server comet, like relationship. I have. I have gotten into two new relationships.one is in another city that’s, not too much of a drive that is a commitment.
And also that partner has other partners in their city. And it’s taken care of a kid, so it’s not very easy for us to schedule time.That we can be together.and I’ve, I’ve basically come to recognize that.
for the most part, I’m going to be going to her rather than her coming to me because. Yeah. [00:09:00] Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.So, I guess, I want to talk a little bit about sort of how this happened. So for first off with T. T got into a relationship that was a. 24 7.D S total power exchange relationship.And.
I was not surprised when she told me that she was going to be moving in with this person, considering that they’re already in a total power exchange. It was fairly obvious to me. And it kind of makes sense, especially for that type of relationship. Yeah. not that you can’t do it. Yeah. with distance, but I think it’s much easier and smoother to make it work when you’re in person.
Yeah. And that has been. Not as much of an adjustment as I think it would have been. If we were still. In the earliest stages of our polyamorous relationship. And we serve, consider ourselves to be primary partners for each other. But it is still a little bit of an adjustment. I [00:10:00] can no longer just .
You know, caller call her up and be , Hey, you want to hang up this weekend?Yeah, we have to be much more intentional about when we’re going to meet up. because it is basically , A one hour flight. So.
Yeah. And if it’s okay to jump in here. Yeah. Your experience of comet. Relationships is very different from mine. I would say that your intentionality yeah. Towards that relationship and the specificity of it. Is what would make it not a comet relationship for me? Oh, okay. Well, could you elaborate on that? Yeah.
I mean, so for me, a comet is.It’s something that you just.
.
So. Normally, these are people I might meet at a con or a munch or like a king. You. I can give vent, can convention. or a month or something that. And either in areas that I don’t live in or that I moved away from. And typically we have a nice conversation or a date or a [00:11:00] kink scene. And we want to honor that connection in some way.
We like each other enough that we want to make it a point to see each other when we are both in the area. So we don’t necessarily plan explicit trips. And I think. With my comets, we never plan , oh, I’m going to make an effort to specifically see you. It is just in happenstance, , oh, I’m coming to a kink event in your area.
Do you want to get together and have a scene? Or, You know, oh, I’m going to be there for a work trip. And, after I’m done with that conference, do you want to come over to your house, you know, while I’m in the area. And I think it’s, it’s that vibe that I get from comets is that it’s not intentional and it’s not specific.
Okay. and that’s my personal experience of it. So I totally understand that your experience at different what I when, if I were in your shoes and I was with T. And I was , and especially coming from, you seeing tea more often and having that ability to, have a more , consistent relationship. For me, that would be more of an anchor relationship.
So I often see comet in like a tryout [00:12:00] of terms. The nesting partner. Anchor partners, nesting, I should say nesting partner partners. Anchor partners and comet partners. Okay. And an anchor is something that to me is consistent. It’s , Steady. It’s always there present. And I think that’s where. If I was in your shoes, I would feel about my relationship with T. because it seems that relationship is very reliable. Whereas my experience of the comets is that it’s kind of left up to fate or chance or something that. Okay. That, when the stars align. we make it happen. Okay. So, does that make sense with your, I mean, it. I think it fits under my very broad strokes as possible definition.
Does it does fit under your very broad strokes, but not in terms of your personal experience. Not my personal experience with it. So, so I guess.
So, I guess my, so having heard what you just said. [00:13:00] I, my fear. If I were to try to apply that to myself. Is that, something I’ve.
I tried to combat, but I’ve also come to terms with. As I’m just kind of an inherently lazy person.
And it. I have to be a very intentional about setting up meetups. Otherwise they’re just never going to happen. And just going to sit on my couch and play video games all day.
Yeah, I can see how the intentionality and the planning can be really good. Yes. if it was. If I had just told, KP is , Hey, I guess I’ll see you when I see you.
The answer to that would be, I guess I’ll never see you again. Cause I’m never , unless I purposely tried to maintain a connection. So another thing that I think. I think sort of would hinder me from using your definition of comets would be. I have a hard time remembering to communicate with people. Which I’m sure you experienced as a partner [00:14:00] and. And you have it much better than most of the people in my life. Okay. if I did not intentionally try to strive to maintain that relationship. It would literally just leave my mind.
So, yeah, I guess that’s.
That’s where I would sort of come at your definition of , if I were to try to use this definition of comets than , I would never have a common cause I would just . Just forget about, forget about it.
Yeah. So I guess that’s all to say that the experience of the comet relationship is very individualized. Yes. I mean, we’ve talked about this before. How like labels are both helpful and not helpful. They can hinder you. Yeah. Yeah. they can sort of help us establish your general concept, but also when you actually start getting at the nitty gritty details, people can use the same labels, but mean different things.
So,How did you,Did we already talk about how you met Ian K E. Okay. So how did you meet Ian KP? So I met E [00:15:00] N K P at a, king Kotel takeover. So the kink event has taken over the entire hotel for the weekends. There’s nobody from outside. The event that can come into the hotel. And.
had great experiences with both of them. I don’t know how much into the details we want to get into on this, even though we are an adult podcast. Yep. And I can. I can add an R 18 plus disclaimer for this episode. Yeah. So.
So usually when I go to kink events, I do not go to them for the purpose of having sex. I go to them to. To do cake.
Which we’ve, we’ve definitely talked about this before. Right? About how kink and sex are not the same thing. Oh, for sure. We’ve definitely talked about that. Okay. So.
It was too much to my surprise. I did not have high expectations going into this event. This was. For me sort of getting my toes back into the water for like large events. I’ve been [00:16:00] to this one before I knew what the format was. . I knew sort of how to set, how to care for myself and set expectations for myself. So I was , look, you’re, you’re going to this event.
You’re going to try to get one. One king scene per day. You can get one king scene per day. You’re doing pretty good. that’s a good goal. That’s a smart goal. That’s what my therapist would tell me. Yeah, that’s a smart goal. It’s specific, measurable, achievable. Yeah.
Something else, a ball. Why can I not remember the R.
Specific measurable, achievable. Realistic. Realistic and time bound or time sensitive. Okay. Yeah. So you did all of that. Yeah. So that was my goal coming into this event was to have one kink scene per day. So I had five kink scenes on the first day. That’s a lot of scenes that is a lot of seeds. So the, this event. Went very well for me.
[00:17:00] And,we’ve KP. We had done several scenes together that weekend, and then we had a.I have threesome. which, in public, which I don’t normally do public sex. So this was. All very like. very groundbreaking for me.
and that sort of gave me the courage as. It’s on Sunday night that this event there is a queer orgy.
And that sort of gave me the courage to , Go to the queer orgy because normally I would not have considered that.But I was like, Hey, you know, I’ve had a pretty good weekend. At this point, I know. At least two or three people who are going to be at this queer orgy. So I’m not just going to be in a room full of strangers. Maybe something else can happen.
And E and I had sort of been talking, we’d done a couple of scenes and we’ve been talking about possibly meeting up for some other stuff. And we bumped into each other at the queer orgy [00:18:00] yeah. Okay. So wait, so who is the, so is E the orgy one? Yes. And tape he is the threesome. Yeah. That’s how I have to know these people by. I have to just associate like, oh, that’s how you met that person. Cause it’s a, it’s a trick for my brain to like, remember. who is who? So, because you met them at the same time, I met them at the same time, same place. Right. And so , it was also very interesting.
You just coming back and being like, not that you said, I have two new partners, but , it was kind of going along those lines. Yeah, I think. Cause I wasn’t entirely certain. If, Hey, if those were like actual relationships, they want to continue outside of the event. And be Large kink events are very weird spaces. And, you know, Your emotions can be running really high. You’ve got live endorphins running through you. And something which you like really enjoyed, happy the event could be like after the event and , And the daylight is just , ah, I’m just not feeling it as [00:19:00] much anymore. And I recognize that this is like a possibility with both of them. So I think I was going to get person of interest as my terminology for both of them. For awhile. So. Yeah, it’s. I mean. Have you ever had, I mean, have you had this experience of meeting somebody at , And like, not sure if they’re going to want to continue it. After the kink event, a hundred percent, I’ve met a lot of and had amazing intense scenes at king givens that. Afterwards. You know, I was , well, it could go either way.
This could just be a nice con. You know. Okay. I had that really one great experience with that one con goer. Yeah. And, there’s been other times where someone has even confessed that they loved me. That very same con that I met them. Yeah. And then. We tried to make something work and it didn’t work.
And. I think you’re saying your emotions run so high at events, which could be a positive or [00:20:00] negative depending on how the event is going, as you said. And so I think. You know, you’re, you’re vulnerable to these. I said, this is the first time this person met me in there saying, you know, they love me.
Yeah. And so that’s pretty intense. Yeah, I would, I have. Hmm. Okay. How do I wanna phrase this?
I have found that usually I’m the one who wants to say, I love you first. but I have learned to like, hold off on that instinct. even though I think it isn’t valid emotion, people do get scared off by it. Especially if you do it really early. Yeah. And this was the first day. I didn’t necessarily get scared off by it. I did not reciprocate that specific phrase.
but I was honored and flattered that they would say something that to me. And we did in fact, try to make a relationship work after. But, you know, , I think for a lot of people, I love you also carry some promises, a carry, some sort of , which is not to say like, that’s how it should be, because I feel like we could normalize saying I love you more often, [00:21:00] but that’s a very loaded phrase.
in general society. Yeah. Especially, I feel in American society, Yeah. So there was definitely, Maybe because of societal conditioning, it can predispose you to think that there is some kind of promise that’s being made. So, yeah, I’ve definitely been in that situation and as, You know, as I think about this, it is hard to maintain connection with these sorts of comets that come into your life.
And I think the level of connection can vary. So. I’m curious what, you know, your, what you are doing to maintain connection with your new comet partners. So, The very first thing I did was. I checked in with both of them after the event was over, I checked it with both of them, . See how they’re doing.they both said they made it home safe and as I refine. And then I just. I very intentionally didn’t . Try to chat them up immediately afterwards.
I wanted to give them time to like, Come down off the [00:22:00] con high.so that.
Because I did have strong feelings for both of them. But I wanted. I mean, Hey, I should pose. I may, I make it seem like I was just waiting for them. I also wanted to come down off of my con high.
I waited, I think about like a week, a week and a half before, I really started trying to text both of them again. And.
as like, Hey, you know, Aye.
I thought we.yeah, I’m paraphrasing here, audience, folks, but I was like, Hey. Yeah. I really liked what we did at the kink event. And I feel we had a good connection. And I just wanted to see. if you felt similar. or if. Or if you’re not, and that’s perfectly valid too, if you’re not feeling yet.
Which I will admit. We’re scary techs to send.
But I sent them and, they both responded that they were interested in trying to keep [00:23:00] this going. they, I think it was very important that I acknowledged. That there are going to be difficulties. One lives in a completely different city. And while I’m technically, I don’t know how to count this region. We’re kind of like a mega city and, but we’re like in different parts of the mega city. Aye. As like, look, I, I’m not. And I think this is where , polyamory becomes really important. It’s , I made it very clear, like I’m not. Trying to horn in and become like your primary partner. I just want to see like where our relationship goes.I mean, I was completely open to the fact that it could be leveraged just . Good fuck buddies. Yeah. Which is kind of, kind of how my relationship with KP is going. We basically meet up at events or meet up for a weekend and have lots of sex.
you know, we, we talk a lot and. Like the very first time we met up. Outside of the kink event, . We learned a lot about each other. [00:24:00] Cause.
There’s not a whole lot of time spent talking at a kink event. Right. You were busy fucking and doing kinky things. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. And I think this is where again, because our experiences of comets are so different. Yeah. I, unlike kind of your relationship with these folks. I, with my, I have comets who I’ve met at. Munches or play parties or whatever. That. I don’t reach out to them very often. I’ll be honest. I might have an inspiration, I might say, oh, I’m thinking of that person.
And that’s what I mean by an IC comet is like, oh, it just comes into my mind. Oh, it’s there. Let me text that person real quick. Okay. Oh, Hey, I’m thinking of you right now. And that to me is kind of defining the types of connections that I have in my comet relationships. I do not make any particular effort to. Like make sure I’m reaching out to them regularly.
I don’t,trying to plan out anything that. I do think maintaining connections is important, but the types of connections that I have are just more fleeting. [00:25:00] Loosey goosey there. Lucy goosey there, just, you know, For that brief moment.and so, yeah, and I might try to do some, I think a lot of my comets live very far away. states away or on the other side of the country.So also because of that, , I might try occasionally to , do a virtual scene with them, but it’s kind of , only if it’s, it’s not very planned out.
Okay. If anything, it might be a couple days before, like, oh, do you have time this week? Let’s try it, but we’re never like, let’s put it on the books. Okay. So that’s something that’s, you know, different about how I maintained connection. Okay. That’s interesting. Cause I. Again, like going back to, I said previously, I feel . That would’ve worked for, happened for me. Right? Cause it wouldn’t work for you. You just forget about them. Yeah, I would just be like, ah, New seasuns. Diablo four drops.
Yeah. Let’s just throw lightning bolts everywhere.
So. so I’m going to go past a little bit past my notes at this point. Cause I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t [00:26:00] write out all my thoughts completely.So, yeah, it has. It has been interesting to see how these different relationships have developed. . T and I essentially. We, we meet up for like very specific things. She came down once to go to an EDM festival and I went out with her for that. And.I’m going to be,I might be going up for like an EDM festival, in the fall.
And she also wanted me to come like on a cruise with her in the spring next year. We’re not.
I can say , meeting up on the regular, regular, but we do have, , you have planned events, you have planned some of your life around her. And I think that makes sense. Yeah.
E.She, I mean, I’m not. And until you’re certain it’s , comet really applies to her because. We are fairly close.
but. I have a car. I like, but.
She doesn’t have a car. So it’s I have, I’m the one who has to make the driver out because there’s not good public [00:27:00] transportation where I’m at. Unlike her other partners who do live, where there’s good public transportation. So it makes it really hard for her, come out to visit me. So like basically. As it so happens.
I have a work, a client site that’s near hers. I basically every two weeks I go visit her. Okay. yeah, so it’s that really that regularity and that sort of that sort of thing. It is when you are just in the area though. Yeah. So I think that for me would fall under the experience. but I plan it out because like, I let her, it’s like, Hey. Yeah, can I, yeah, I get that.
Yeah. And I think also something that I wanted to, is it, are you done with this train of thought? Cause they wanted to. I can come back to it. Are you sure. Yeah. Are you really sure? I can come back to it. Is it going to mess up the flow? It’s not going to mess up the photos. To say it well, cause I wanted to talk about, you know, we’ve talked about what these relationships might look like in a variety of gender waves.
We’ve talked about how to maintain connection in these relationships. I wanted to talk about how does someone else feel when you [00:28:00] have comets? Because like what a mem Metamoris think, you know? Okay. So, because you started having these partners and, and the other thing too is you had mentioned NRI and just for our audience folks. I don’t know if we said the actual phrase out loud, but it’s new relationship energy.
Yeah. And you had mentioned , someone said , these common relationships are like an NRA. Heck yeah. And I think that that’s both true N kind of false. I actually find like, at least the style of comet, relationship that I have. , I don’t have a lot of NRA with those partners. But that’s just me personally. And a lot of them, like I’ve been with them for , Six plus years.and maybe that’s why, maybe when we were fresher in our comet relationship, it still felt really intense each time. But, now it feels very like, oh, this is chill.
, I don’t know. Maybe it’s also, there might be a part of this because I’m asexual and. probably on the aromantic. spectrum that might interact differently. With how I experienced comets. [00:29:00] But what I was just going to say is that I think it might be helpful for, for our audience folks to talk about how like Metamoris might perceive these partners.
Okay.Actually, let me finish my train of thought and then we’ll get back to you. I thought that might happen, which is why now I’m going to have to edit around all of this shit. It’s fine. Just let it run.
what do you mean? Let it run. Where do we, what do we do? What do I do with this audio?
It’s fine. If they’re still listening to us at this point, they’re fine with our shenanigans. Okay. Okay. So now we’ve totally derailed the audience folks. I’m sorry. I do apologize. So we’ll try to get back on. It is your fault. All right. Go ahead. So.I think my relationship with KP is probably the most similar to your definition of comet. Because.
she is very busy.
She’s got a lot going on in her life, both with the partners and the kid. And,she also does a lot of volunteering. So her schedule was very jam packed. so basically what happens is I’m like, [00:30:00] Hey, These are the weekends I’m available for the next three months. Let me know if any of them work.
And sometimes she gets back to me and sometimes she doesn’t. And I’m okay with both. I realize her life is busy and, No, we, we did the, the one time that we had met up since. the kink event, you know, We had, I think. very good and very Frank talk about like, What sort of expectations and boundaries are set in this relationship?which I think was very helpful. And didn’t really. the expectations and boundaries you said did not really surprise me.So. yeah, I think that’s probably the closest to. Sort of your definition of a comet.
I would agree with that. Yeah. I can see that for sure. So are you done with that train of thought now? That I really wish that I had just like I had encouraged you and just keep going. This is going to mess up the flow. [00:31:00] So maybe it’s coming back to how other people perceive. Yeah. Your comets. I think for me, , I, I probably have mentioned this in another episode that I really like to know, when you’re starting to form feelings for someone or have a relationship with someone, I do like to know sooner rather than later.
So it’s not some big surprise all of a sudden. Yeah, this is, this is something I’ve had to. I’ve had to work on because usually I don’t like to announce that. I’m in a relationship until like I’m certain that it’s really fully there. It’s fully there. I made sure to tell you about both of these people, right after the kink event. Yeah.
And for my brain, I like that. I like to have some time to like, oh, okay. There’s some new people that are coming in to this galaxy. Yeah. With the metaphor of , I’m a planet now there’s some comets going through the sky. And I’m kind of pissed that in this metaphor, I’m not watching the comets.
That’s the only thing that thing. Why can’t a planet and watch comets. Okay. If we’re anthropomorphizing [00:32:00] everything fine. I’m watching the comets. They’re beautiful. And.
Aye.
I liked the time to adjust. I also like knowing aware. What kind of relationship that you’re going to be having. So even though you’re calling these comets and I’m thinking like, oh, your relationship with E to me and even T looks differently from how I experienced comets. Yeah. But I’m having an idea now, especially with us having, you know, this whole podcast about what, what are comets?
Cause then I get to know more about your version of what that is. And so I think this comes down to communication is key. Like we always say always. And,That. You know, I think one of my fears, if I’m going to be vulnerable. Is just that.
You’re saying the, the comet relationships can be this nice little NRI hack, right. That’s not necessarily true for me, but if it’s true for you. For me as the partner, who’s more stable. That can feel , oh, things aren’t fresh. . You know, it’s almost a comet appearing in [00:33:00] this guy’s planet caused a lot of feelings.
Both positive and negative for a wide variety of folks. Right. And, It’s like, that’s an omen. Does anybody want to take bets about how long we’re going to ride the metaphor?
It’s a great metaphor, but.
The planet that’s just sitting there, you know, Mars is always there. Yeah. You know, And, sometimes we get excited about it. Yeah. Sometimes we do. You know, it’s always there. If we just take out our big skill. Skeleton. That’s not the word.
Tell us telescope. Okay. I mixed it up.
Mars is always there. And so for me, the worry is that. Oh, my partner’s attention is grasped by this bright, shiny new thing. Yeah. Which is sunable. And I think it’s, I’ve experienced that. And I think this is just a real fear. Yeah. Especially because , Unlike other relationships. the comet is one that is, you know, [00:34:00] Coming back.
Yes. And unlike a relationship where you might get, you know, might be another planet. Yeah. And the planet, there might be a lot of energy at first, like, oh, I discovered a new planet. Yeah. Wow. We found planet X finally, after all these years. Yeah, me and G you heard into here for first.
You get used to the planet being there. Now that, you know, it’s there, that comet is gonna come back. He’s going to be bright and fiery and in your face. Yeah. So it is different. The types of, feelings that I think it can have on Metamoris. What are your thoughts? I’m not.
I’m not entirely certain. .
So I’m going to try to give a, sort of a. I’m going to try to get my two answers. One is.
I’m one part, I served as treat all relationships as , Because for awhile T and.
I just realized T his partner has the same initial as I do. yeah, we did something before about that. And go good GB for right now. Okay. GB.
So tease partner, GP was a comet. Yeah. [00:35:00] Do you live far away, but it’s still very impactful in her life. In fact, . I’d say they’re like the biggest match of jealousy ever felt was when they started getting into a.like the total power shell, total power exchange relationship. So, yeah, to me, ,
I guess , I sort of evaluate all the relationships I know about sort of.
Equally. but. The, the other answer I want to give is,I’m very forgetful. , I kind of forgot that you had common partners. You mentioned it just now I was going to say it because I also don’t talk about them a lot. You don’t exactly unlike you with your common partners who you’re talking and that’s why for me, it feels. Like, I know our, our definitions are different, but it does feel like those are, kind of more like stable partners.
How you talk about them. Whereas, like, I don’t think you hear me talk a lot about, my comet partners. No. I kind of forgot you had.
I’ve met some of them. I forgot about that. Yeah, I have them. They exist.
So, yeah, those are my two [00:36:00] answers. Okay. Yeah. I evaluate them equally with all the other relationships I know about. And two, I just forget about them sometimes. So in other words, if you have ADHD,
Calling me out .
Oh,
I think that’s a great place to end for this episode. What do you think. yeah, I think I’ve covered most of what I wanted to cover. Let me just take a quick look at my notes here.
Okay. Yeah. As always communication’s important. I think that’s the last night. Yeah, definitely not calling out G on anything. Yeah. Specifically undiagnosed ADHD or autism, whatever it turns out to be. on that note.
Right.
If you liked this podcast and liked listening to me, ramble and accuse me of. Having undiagnosed neurodivergent conditions. you can tone it. The bottom of the show notes. And, please do consider sharing this with your polyamorous comets or even real comets like actual celestial bodies, go out and share the podcast with those [00:37:00] comets out in the caper belt. Or beyond. This is G this is M don’t be afraid to love how you love, love what you love and love, who you love.
Can you look up the.
Miriam Webster definition of a comet and pasted into our notes. Okay. Or whatever dictionary you want to use, or if NASA or something. I mean, we could do. Oxford English dictionary. And could you, the ox 15th. Finnish dictionary. That wasn’t very Patricia for me.
I didn’t know what excellent. This is.
This is just a random accent.
I mean, it’s vaguely Anglophile.
All [00:38:00] right. Does. The rest of the object, typically give following it greatly in long elliptical orbit around the sun.
Can you highlight the whole thing? Yeah. I’m working on it. Okay. What dictionary did she use? Oxford English. It was Oxford union use Miriam Webster. I will, after I did the voice I had to use. I’d use Oxford. Okay.
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